Rubber Meets the road..

Yeah, Key, you've discovered yet another sinister conspiracy.  Tom and I have been plotting the overthrow of Clay County government for decades, just waiting for the right moment to unleash our secret plan upon the unsuspecting citizenry of Clay County.  Filing on the same day was obviously too much of a clue to leave behind for a super sleuth.  That was Tom's idea.  I told him you were way too smart for clues like that.

Now that you've outed our plan to seize power, why not set the record straight?

I've met Mr. Platt on about six occasions, three of which were when I served as a guest speaker for his classes at St. Johns River Community College, where I spoke on the relationship between investigative journalism and government.  In none of those few occasions when Tom and I have been together have we discussed his campaign platforms.  So, you'll have to ask Mr. Platt about his own campaign ideas.

I am now, and will be after next year's election, independent of any other person, group or political party power structure.  I'm just me, by myself, looking at one issue at a time on its own merits, not politics.  I'll leave the conspiracy theories up to the folks with devious imaginations.

Michael S. Mann

Hey OneMann,

I love uncovering devious plots.

It is to your benefit to set the record straight. Your potential constituents deserve to know what relationships exist and how they affect the positions you take on issues facing the County.

And just for the record, it can be good fun to overthrow small governments. Good luck the rest of the way.

OneMann:

What a joy you will be to have on the BCC!  You have a way with words that can make an individual smile about matters that usually invoke grimaces and four letter words.

A sense of humor mixed with politics is refreshing.

Your response to Key2life was priceless!  She sure is making her presence known since her reappearance following her last "outing" of JonBoy.  I had been wondering what secret mission she was on during her absence, but with her question to you I would assume you and your candidacy have been the object of her journalistic training. 

Why thank you, Germanfrau.  I can't think of a better complimnet to receive than having someone tell me I put a smile on their face.

Over the course of my newspaper career in five small counties, I discovered that government is a part of life too often overlooked as a source of laughs.  Maybe it's because I got to see politics from the outside-in, but I think politicians are some of the funniest people in the world.

When a politician tries to convince us why we should trust them, I always ended up chuckling.

When they have to respond to a yes-or-no question and begin to stammer, I always giggle because I know that a one-word answer is gonna contain pandering to the 51 percent of voters who want a yes, an expression of understanding and sympathy for the 49 percent who want a no, and, of course, a self-congratulatory dissertation on how much courage it took to make that yes-or-no decision.

Ever watched a politician as they're stumped for a response?  A blank stare on their face, you can actually see them trying to will their own brains: "Think of something to say that doesn't sound stupid. Anything but stupid."  As instant after they figure out that's not gonna happen, beads of sweat will appear at the hairline and they'll glance at their fellow politicians with eyes that beg to be saved from the silence.  By then, my sides are usually hurting.

But the knee-slapping, tear-causing, almost-wet-your-pants kinda laugh comes whenever you hear a politician try to explain why they are innocent of the scandal du jour.  Oh my goodness, have I heard some funny stuff.  I'm talk Emmy-winning comedy writing kind of funny.  Robin Williams, Steve Martin, Chris Rock funny.

Heck, it wasn't too long ago that I sat in the cafeteria at Orange Park High School and listened to a politician say this:

"The truth is there's two Arthur Iveys."

Now, I know I could never possibly excuse my role in a multi-million-dollar government corruption scandal any funnier than that, so I guess I'd just to have to resign in disgrace instead.

Michael S. Mann