humor

Consider this fair warning for you young ladies contemplating motherhood.

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q : I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q : What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?

Q : My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labour, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

20 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.  

4.  Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label it 'In'.

5.  Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

6.  In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks , Write ' For Smuggling Diamonds'.

I hope everyone takes this as it is. Good natured humor. I think Senator McCain would, too. My old beer guzzling buddy sent this to me.

John McCain Is So Old....
-------------------------

....the Big Bang woke him up.

....Mike Huckabee doesn't believe in evolution, but John McCain witnessed
it.

....it takes an archeologist to dig up dirt on him.

....in 1st grade he only had to learn one continent on the flat earth.

....ALL parties were toga parties when he was in school.

....his library card says "Alexandria" on it.

....his copy of the Bible is autographed.

....he owes Moses twenty bucks.

....he remembers when Iraq was Mesopotamia.

....Joe Lieberman has to remind him not to refer to Iranians as
"Proto-Elamites."

....he voted against funding the Pyramids.

....when the walls of Jericho fell down, he blocked legislation to rebuild it.

For Magnum-

http://humor.about.com/library/day/bl0621.htm

Today is Berkley Breathed's birthday- who knew!?

KC

I was on the west coast of the state for a couple of days on business, and I believe I saw what could be a reason why we don't have illegal immigration under control.

Forty miles north of Tampa I saw the Border Patrol sitting in the median on the Interstate like FHP.

It appears some of them may be lost. 

Once again, another Feb. 14 has rolled around and I sit pondering the true meaning of Valentine's Day. I mean really, how many people actually celebrate this economy-craved holiday?

Call it bad luck or call it fate, but I've never been in a position to celebrate the day. Every year it's the same. No sweet love note tucked behind my windshield wiper. No roses delivered to work. No "shout out" on the radio. No romantic dinner. Nothing. I guess I'll just blame it on lack of romantic guys. Doesn't that justify my non-interest in Valentine's Day?

Not really.